The Green Panty Manifesto
by ipio
Summary: Robins in a bar. Four of them, in fact. Timmy, Dick, Jason, and Steph gather together to discuss Robin related things. Topics of discussion include that most important question: Who looks best in the green panties?


A/N: Aaaaand this is what I did instead of studying for finals. Jason offers to grab a few asses, so that's a little something for the ladies. Also, many thanks to an anonymous reviewer, who helpfully pointed out an important vocabulary mix up on my part. And _yes_, I am a bad person and I like to center instead of right justify my stories. However: Dick. Green Panties. I'm just saying...

* * *

It was a pretty tame night at the bar, which was to be expected, as the underrated establishment catered to a rather exclusive cliental. Tim walked in quickly, still in full Robin gear. He scampered over to the bar's only other occupant, and put a hand on his back.

"Dick, did I ever tell you how important our relationship is to me? I mean, I don't have much of a family anymore and-"

"Tim."

"Yeah?"

"I'm not telling her."

Damn Bat training! Tim still didn't have the whole final word intonation down yet. But neither did Dick, because he was cracking a smile, and that was all the encouragement Tim needed.

"Dick, please. I'm pretty sure you've 'died' more times than me and-"

"She's your girlfriend Tim. She should hear it from you. If something happened with Babs, you wouldn't expect me to-"

"Oh, like anything would happen to Babs!" Tim threw up his arms and sat down.

"She's got her own book!"

"What can I say? You should go for the girls with forty plus years of history."

"Gross. I forget how old you are. Does your back ever give out when you're balancing on one arm for no reason other than to look cool?"

"I can see how very badly you need my help."

"I didn't-"

"Too late!" Dick grinned and waved towards the entrance, where Stephanie had just floated in.

"Hey Steph."

Steph smiled sweetly and waved back. "Hi Dick. Why does Tim look ready to pass a kidney stone?"

"New villain tonight. The Bondage Avenger. Phallic symbolism abound. He's been telling me all about it."

"Poor Timmy. First Robin without panties, but the innuendoes still keep coming."

"He doesn't wear them because they looked better on me. Couldn't take the pressure of comparison."

Steph tilted her head to get a better view of Tim's posterior.

"I don't know. I've seen Timmy in things awful close to panties and-"

"Hi! Right here! In the room!" Tim cried out.

Steph floated next to Tim and smiled gleefully.

"Just defending your honor, sweetie. Honestly, what's wrong? Your forehead is doing that sweaty thing it does when you have bad news."

"It's the mask. You remember how hot the mask is."

"Actually, I remember the mask being really lightweight." Dick stated, matter-of-factly.

"Well _my_ mask is heavy, panty boy."

"Don't feel bad Tim, most people can't pull the look off. No need to be jealous. As the young people say, 'Don't hate, appreciate.'"

"Both of you! Stop stalling! Dick, go call Babs or something."

"Yes m'am." Dick got up to go bug his girlfriend for a few minutes.

"Tim, tell me what's going on before I tell Dick and Jason about your Golden Girls dvd collection."

She had to go there.

"Okay, okay. Steph, you know how much we all love you. Hell, even Bruce adores you-"

Steph snorted.

"Now that I'm dead"

"The Huntress likes you! She pretty much hates everybody."

"A, that's not fair and you know it. B, she has a funny way of showing it."

"Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that you are loved. I love you, Cass loves you, Dick loves you, and Jason loves you even though I wish he'd look at your breasts a little less."

"Seeing as how the both of us are incapable of touch, I wouldn't worry too much about his hand slipping."

"See, there's the thing. Jason is-"

Before Tim could get the sentence out, the ex-Robin in question burst into the bar.

"I'M BACK, KIDS! WHOSE ASS AM I GRABBING FIRST?"

Tim winced, Steph stared, and Dick regretfully ended the phone sex session with Babs to do damage control. He rushed over to Jason.

"So, you corporeal again?"

Jason grinned broadly. "In the flesh!"

"Good." Dick smacked Jason squarely on the back of the head. "Dumbass."

"What the hell is - oh god."

Jason looked at Steph, who was looking even paler than usual.

"Shit. Steph, I'm sorry babe, I thought they told you."

"I was in the middle of it." Tim shot venomously.

Tim turned his attention back to Steph, and his demeanor immediately softened. "Hun? Are you-"

"I'm fine." It came out as a whisper, but a calm one.

"Steph, you don't have to lie for my stupid sake. My very stupid sake."

"No Jason, it's perfectly fine. You're long overdue for a trip back. I mean, your death is the whole reason Bruce was hesitant to ever give me a shot."

"Stephanie", said Dick. "We've all agreed Bruce can be an idiot. There was a vote."

"A vote and shots and you drinking us under the table after we realized ghosts can absorb alcohol." Jason added.

Steph didn't hear them.

"I mean, who wouldn't be hesitant to lead another teen to death? Except, oh wait a damn minute, you aren't dead! There goes the whole argument."

"Steph-"

"No Tim, it's fine. Don't worry." By now, Steph's voice was far past a whisper, and far past calm.

"This is great. The is peachy. It means I'm the first Robin to die and stay dead. That goes along nicely with first female Robin-"

"In current continuity" Jason interjected.

"In current continuity, thank you Jason. First female Robin in current continuity, and first Robin to die in a stupid, cold hospital bed. Because I didn't have enough training to get away."

"My nickname was the boy hostage", said Dick. "Not very creative, but gets the point across. That could have happened to any of us."

"It happened to me. Because Batman didn't want another 'solider down'. But it's fine. It's fine that I'm the only one who's dead. I can go hang out with the Spectre, whoever the hell that is now."

"You can hang out with us. Stay the hell away from Spectre." Dick said, without an ounce of humor in his voice.

"My butt looked best in the Robin suit. I'm just saying. It's stupid and petty, but my ass looked amazing in the suit."

"Don't forget about the breasts. You absolutely have the best breasts," Jason added.

"Thank you Jason." Tim said, inwardly reminding himself that Steph needed cheering up right now, and since Jason was now corporeal he could always hit him later.

"Yes, thank you again Jason. My boobs and ass looked best in the costume-"

"I do not need to hear this. Seriously guys, I'm over fifty years old."

"-And none of that matters because I'm dead, and no one can touch my butt, and I can't touch anything or smell anything or go on a stupid walk with my boyfriend."

"Babe, this had nothing to do with you, okay? You deserve to go back, of course you do. And it's probably not even going to be a long-term thing. I punch Bats a few times, and then I'm most likely back to being angst fodder."

"You get to punch him? That's bullshit! Jason, you are my friend, and I am glad you get to go back, but that is bullshit. If anyone here deserves to punch Batman, it's me. My breasts look best in the costume, and I deserve to punch Batman right in the jaw. Can we all agree on this?"

Tim and Jason nodded quickly, while Dick cried out, "Fifty! I know jailbait when I see it!"

"But I totally owe Batman a punch in the jaw, right?"

"Yes, you owe Batman a punch in the jaw, and that is all I am willing to agree to."

"Well, okay. Okay. Jason, you have to punch him once for me. And don't skimp on the homoerotic subtext, because then they'll probably keep you around longer."

"Yes m'am"

"Good. Now get out, and go get laid or something. You too, Dick. Tim, you stay here and drink with me."

Dick and Jason nodded and started walking to the door.

"Also-um, Jason, I really am glad you get to come back. I mean it."

Jason smiled. "I love you too, Steph"

The oldest Robins left, leaving Steph and Tim alone.

They sat and/or floated in silence for a few moments. Tim rubbed his cape against some smudge marks on his glass.

"You could still come back someday. I really hope you come back someday."

Steph tried to keep her voice from cracking, and she was almost successful.

""I know you do."

She wanted to say more, but the mood was somber enough as it was. Despite evidence to the contrary, morose moods were not Steph's setting of choice.

"Tim?"

"Yeah?"

"You could absolutely rock the green panties. I'm just saying, it's always an option."

"Thanks Steph. Maybe on your birthday."

* * *


End file.
